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If I hadn’t wasted more than a quarter of a tank of gas stubbornly pushing on to the very base of the
second landmark—only to find that the third milestone was no longer visible from that vantage and to
have to turn around and backtrack—we would have been so much farther down this sandy wash； so
much closer to our next goal。 Thanks to me； we were going to have to travel on foot now。
C’mon； c’mon； c’mon；she chanted until I lurched； stiff and awkward； out of the car。 My back throbbed
as I straightened up。 It hurt from sleeping so contorted last night； not from the weight of the pack； the
pack wasn’t that heavy when I used my shoulders to lift it。
Now cover the car；she instructed； picturing me ripping thorny branches from the nearby creosotes and
palo verdes and draping them over the silver top of the car。
“Why？”
Her tone implied that I was quite stupid for not understanding。So no one finds us。
But what if I want to be found？ What if there’s nothing out here but heat and dirt？ We have no
way to get home！
Home？she questioned； throwing cheerless images at me： the vacant apartment in San Diego； the
Seeker’s most obnoxious expression； the dot that marked Tucson on the map… a brief； happier flash of
the red canyon that slipped in by accident。Where would that be？
I turned my back on the car； ignoring her advice。 I was in too far already。 I wasn’t going to give up all
hope of return。 Maybe someone would find the car and then find me。 I could easily and honestly explain
what I was doing here to any rescuer： I was lost。 I’d lost my way… lost my control… lost my mind。
I followed the wash at first； letting my body fall into its natural long…strided rhythm。 It wasn’t the way I
walked on the sidewalks to and from the university—it wasn’tmy walk at all。 But it fit the rugged terrain
here and moved me smoothly forward with a speed that surprised me until I got used to it。
“What if I hadn’t e this way？” I wondered as I walked farther into the desert waste。 “What if Healer
Fords were still in Chicago？ What if my path hadn’t taken us so close to them？”
It was that urgency； that lure—the thought that Jared and Jamie might beright here； somewhere in this
empty place—that had made it impossible to resist this senseless plan。
I’m not sure；Melanie admitted。I think I might still have tried； but I was afraid while the other souls
were near。 I’m still afraid。 Trusting you could kill them both。
We flinched together at the thought。
But being here； so close… It seemed like Ihadto try。 Please —and suddenly she was pleading with
me； begging me； no trace of resentment in her thoughts—please don’t use this to hurt them。 Please。
“I don’t want to。… I don’t know if Ican hurt them。 I’d rather…”
What？ Die myself？ Than give a few stray humans up to the Seekers？
Again we flinched at the thought； but my revulsion at the idea forted her。 And it frightened me more
than it soothed her。
I didn’t like leaving the wash； just as I’d resisted leaving the car。 I could follow this wash all the way
back to the road； and the road back to the highway。 It was miles and miles； and it would take me days to
traverse； but once I stepped off this wash I was officially adrift。
Have faith； Wanderer。 We’ll find Uncle Jeb； or he’ll find us。
If he’s still alive；I added； sighing and loping off my simple path into the brush that was identical in every
direction。Faith isn’t a familiar concept for me。 I don’t know that I buy into it。
Trust； then？
In who？ You？I laughed。 The hot air baked my throat when I inhaled。
Just think；she said； changing the subject；maybe we’ll see them by tonight。
The yearning belonged to us both； the image of their faces； one man； one child； came from both
memories。 When I walked faster； I wasn’t sure that I was pletely in mand of the motion。
It did get hotter—and then hotter； and then hotter still。 Sweat plastered my hair to my scalp and made
my pale yellow T…shirt cling unpleasantly wherever it touched。 In the afternoon； scorching gusts of wind
kicked up； blowing sand in my face。 The dry air sucked the sweat away； crusted my hair with grit； and
fanned my shirt out from my body； it moved as stiffly as cardboard with the dried salt。 I kept walking。
I drank water more often than Melanie wanted me to。 She begrudged me every mouthful； threatening me
that we would want it much more tomorrow。 But I’d already given her so much today that I was in no
mood to listen。 I drank when I was thirsty； which was most of the time。
My legs moved me forward without any thought on my part。 The crunching rhythm of my steps was
background music； low and tedious。
There was nothing to see； one twisted； brittle shrub looked exactly the same as the next。 The empty
homogeny lulled me into a sort of daze—I was only really aware of the shape of the mountains’
silhouettes against the pale； bleached sky。 I read their outlines every few steps； till I knew them so well I
could have drawn them blindfolded。
The view seemed frozen in place。 I constantly whipped my head around； searching for the fourth
marker—a big dome…shaped peak with a missing piece； a curved absence scooped from its side that
Melanie had only shown me this morning—as if the perspective would have changed from my last step。 I
hoped this last clue was it； because we’d be lucky to get that far。 But I had a sense that Melanie was
keeping more from me； and our journey’s end was impossibly distant。
I snacked on my granola bars through the afternoon； not realizing until it was too late that I’d finished the
last one。
When the sun set； the night descended with the same speed as it had yesterday。 Melanie was prepared；
already scouting out a place to stop。
I eyed the fluffy…looking cactus in the failing light； so thick with bone…colored needles that it resembled
fur； and shuddered。You want me to just sleep on the ground？ Right here？
You see another option？She felt my panic； and her tone softened； as if with pity。Look—it’s better
than the car。 At least it’s flat。 It’s