按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
connected made soft implacable noises； confirming that he continued to live。
And far below； in the bowels of the hospital； Robbie Weedon’s body lay frozen and white in the morgue。 Nobody had acpanied him to the hospital； and nobody had visited him in his metal drawer。
III
Andrew had refused a lift back to Hilltop House； so it was only Tessa and Fats in the car together； and Fats said； ‘I don’t want to go home。’
‘All right；’ Tessa replied； and she drove； while talking to Colin on the telephone。 ‘I’ve got him … Andy found him。 We’ll be back in a bit … Yes … Yes； I will …’
Tears were spattering down Fats’ face； his body was betraying him； it was exactly like the time when hot urine had spilt down his leg into his sock； when Simon Price had made him piss himself。 The hot saltiness leaked over his chin and onto his chest； pattering like drops of rain。
He kept imagining the funeral。 A tiny little coffin。
He had not wanted to do it with the boy so near。
Would the weight of the dead child ever lift from him？
‘So you ran away；’ said Tessa coldly； over his tears。
She had prayed that she would find him alive； but her strongest emotion was disgust。 His tears did not soften her。 She was used to men’s tears。 Part of her was ashamed that he had not； after all； thrown himself into the river。
‘Krystal told the police that you and she were in the bushes。 You just left him to his own devices； did you？’
Fats was speechless。 He could not believe her cruelty。 Did she not understand the desolation roaring inside him； the horror； the sense of contagion？
‘Well； I hope you have got her pregnant；’ said Tessa。 ‘It’ll give her something to live for。’
Every time they turned a corner； he thought that she was taking him home。 He had feared Cubby most； but now there was nothing to choose between his parents。 He wanted to get out of the car； but she had locked all the doors。
Without warning； she swerved and braked。 Fats； clutching the sides of his seat； saw that they were in a lay…by on the Yarvil bypass。 Frightened that she would order him out of the car； he turned his swollen face to her。
‘Your birth mother；’ she said； looking at him as she had never done before； without pity or kindness； ‘was fourteen years old。 We had the impression； from what we were told； that she was middle class； quite a bright girl。 She absolutely refused to say who your father was。 Nobody knew whether she was trying to protect an under…age boyfriend or something worse。 We were told all of this； in case you had any mental or physical difficulties。 In case；’ she said clearly； like a teacher trying to emphasize a point sure to e up in a test； ‘you had been the result of incest。’
He cowered away from her。 He would have preferred to be shot。
‘I was desperate to adopt you；’ she said。 ‘Desperate。 But Dad was very ill。 He said to me； “I can’t do it。 I’m scared I’ll hurt a baby。 I need to get better before we do this； and I can’t do that and cope with a new baby as well。”
‘But I was so determined to have you；’ said Tessa； ‘that I pressured him into lying； and telling the social workers that he was fine； and pretending to be happy and normal。 We brought you home； and you were tiny and premature； and on the fifth night we had you； Dad slipped out of bed and went to the garage； put a hosepipe on the exhaust of the car and tried to kill himself； because he was convinced he’d smothered you。 And he almost died。
‘So you can blame me；’ said Tessa； ‘for your and Dad’s bad start； and maybe you can blame me for everything that’s e since。 But I’ll tell you this； Stuart。 Your father’s spent his life facing up to things he never did。 I don’t expect you to understand his kind of courage。 But；’ her voice broke at last； and he heard the mother he knew； ‘he loves you； Stuart。’
She added the lie because she could not help herself。 Tonight； for the first time； Tessa was convinced that it was a lie； and also that everything she had done in her life； telling herself that it was for the best； had been no more than blind selfishness； generating confusion and mess all around。 But who could bear to know which stars were already dead； she thought； blinking up at the night sky； could anybody stand to know that they all were？
She turned the key in the ignition； crashed the gears and they pulled out again onto the bypass。
‘I don’t want to go to the Fields；’ said Fats in terror。
‘We’re not going to the Fields；’ she said。 ‘I’m taking you home。’
IV
The police had picked up Krystal Weedon at last as she ran hopelessly along the river bank on the very edge of Pagford； still calling her brother in a cracked voice。 The policewoman who approached her addressed her by name； and tried to break the news to her gently； but she still tried to beat the woman away from her； and in the end the policewoman had almost to wrestle her into the car。 Krystal had not noticed Fats melting away into the trees； he did not exist to her any more。
The police drove Krystal home； but when they knocked on the front door Terri refused to answer。 She had glimpsed them through an upstairs window； and thought that Krystal had done the one unthinkable and unforgivable thing； and told the pigs about the hold…alls full of Obbo’s hash。 She dragged the heavy bags upstairs while the police hammered at the door； and only opened up when she considered that it had bee unavoidable。
‘Whatcha wan’？’ she shouted； through an inch…wide gap in the door。
The policewoman asked to e in three times and Terri refused； still demanding to know what they wanted。 A few neighbours had begun to peer through windows。 Even when the policewoman said； ‘It’s about your son； Robbie；’ Terri did not realize。
‘’E’s fine。 There’s nuthin’ wrong with ’im。 Krystal’s got ’im。’
But then she saw Krystal； who had refused to stay in the car； and had walked halfway up the garden path。 Terri’s gaze trickled down her daughter’s body to the place where Robbie should have been clinging to her； frightened by the strange men。
Terri flew from her house like a fury； with her hands outstretched like claws； and the policewoman had to catch