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d snake in the world。 Isn't sliminess a little besides the point？〃
〃That's my argument exactly。 Fangs。 Snakebite。 Fifty thousand people a year die of snakebite。 It was on television last night。〃
〃Everything was on television last night；〃 Orest said。
I admired the reply。 I guess I admired him too。 He was creating an imperial self out of some tabloid aspiration。 He would train relentlessly； speak of himself in the third person； load up on carbohydrates。 His trainer was always there； his friends drawn to the aura of inspired risk。 He would grow in life…strength as he neared the time。
〃His trainer is teaching him how to breathe in the old way； the Sunny Moslem way。 A snake is one thing。 A person can be a thousand things。〃
〃Be a snake；〃 Orest said。
〃People are getting interested；〃 Heinrich said。 〃It's like it's starting to build。 Like he's really going to do it。 Like they believe him now。 The total package。〃
If the self is death； how can it also be stronger than death？
I called for the check。 Extraneous flashes of Mr。 Gray。 A drizzling image in gray shorts and socks。 I lifted several bills from my wallet； rubbing hard with my fingers to make sure there weren't others stuck to them。 In the motel mirror was my full…length wife； white…bodied； full…bosomed； pink…kneed； stub…toed； wearing only peppermint legwarmers； like a sophomore leading cheers at an orgy。
When we got home； I found her ironing in the bedroom。
〃What are you doing？〃 I said。
〃Listening to the radio。 Except it just went off。〃
〃If you thought we were finished with Mr。 Gray； it's time to bring you up to date。〃
〃Are we talking about Mr。 Gray the posite or Mr。 Gray the individual？ It makes all the difference。〃
〃It certainly does。 Denise pacted the pills。〃
〃Does that mean we're all through with the posite？〃
〃I don't know what it means。〃
〃Does it mean you've turned your male attention to the individual in the motel？〃
〃I didn't say that。〃
〃You don't have to say it。 You're a male。 A male follows the path of homicidal rage。 It is the biological path。 The path of plain dumb blind male biology。〃
〃How smug； ironing handkerchiefs。〃
〃Jack； when you die； I will just fall to the floor and stay there。 Eventually； maybe； after a very long time； they will find me crouching in the dark； a woman without speech or gesture。 But in the meantime I will not help you find this man or his medication。〃
'The eternal wisdom of those who iron and sew。〃
〃Ask yourself what it is you want more； to ease your ancient fear or to revenge your childish dopey injured male pride。〃
I went down the hall to help Steffie finish packing。 A sports announcer said： 〃They're not booing—they're saying； 'Bruce； Bruce。'〃 Denise and Wilder were in there with her。 I gathered from the veiled atmosphere that Denise had been giving confidential advice on visits to distant parents。 Steffie's flight would originate in Boston and make two stops between Iron City and Mexico City but she wouldn't have to change planes； so the situation seemed manageable。
〃How do I know I'll recognize my mother？〃
〃You saw her last year；〃 I said。 〃You liked her。〃
〃What if she refuses to send me back？〃
〃We have Denise to thank for that idea； don't we？ Thank you； Denise。 Don't worry。 She'll send you back。〃
〃What if she doesn't？〃 Denise said。 〃It happens； you know。〃
〃It won't happen this time。〃
〃You'll have to kidnap her back。〃
〃That won't be necessary。〃
〃What if it is？〃 Steffie said。
〃Would you do it？〃 Denise said。
〃It won't happen in a million years。〃
〃It happens all the time；〃 she said。 〃One parent takes the child； the other parent hires kidnappers to get her back。〃
〃What if she keeps me？〃 Steffie said。 〃What will you do？〃
〃He'll have to send people to Mexico。 That's the only thing he can do。〃
〃But will he do it？〃 she said。
〃Your mother knows she can't keep you；〃 I said。 〃She travels all the time。 It's out of the question。〃
〃Don't worry；〃 Denise told her。 〃No matter what he says now； he'll get you back when the time es。〃
Steffie looked at me with deep interest and curiosity。 I told her I would travel to Mexico myself and do whatever had to be done to get her back here。 She looked at Denise。
〃It's better to hire people；〃 the older girl said helpfully。 〃That way you have someone who's done it before。〃
Babette came in and picked up Wilder。
'There you are；〃 she said。 〃We're going to the airport with Steffie。 Yes we are。 Yes yes。〃
〃Bruce； Bruce。〃
The next day there was an evacuation for noxious odor。 SIMUVAC vehicles were everywhere。 Men in Mylex suits patrolled the streets； many of them carrying instruments to measure harm。 The consulting firm that conceived the evacuation gathered a small group of puter…screened volunteers in a police van in the supermarket parking lot。 There was half an hour of self…induced gagging and vomiting。 The episode was recorded on videotape and sent somewhere for analysis。
Three days later an actual noxious odor drifted across the river。 A pause； a careful thoughtfulness； seemed to settle on the town。 Traffic moved more slowly； drivers were exceedingly polite。 There was no sign of official action； no jitneys or ambulettes painted in primary colors。 People avoided looking at each other directly。 An irritating sting in the nostrils； a taste of copper on the tongue。 As time passed； the will to do nothing seemed to deepen； to fix itself firmly。 There were those who denied they smelled anything at all。 It is always that way with odors。 There were those who professed not to see the irony of their inaction。 They'd taken part in the SIMUVAC exercise but were reluctant to flee now。 There were those who wondered what caused the odor； those who looked worried； those who said the absence of technical personnel meant there was nothing to worry about。 Our eyes began to water。
About three hours after we'd first bee aware of it； the vapor suddenly lifted； saving us from our formal deliberations。
36
Now and then I thought of the Zumwalt automatic hidden in the bedroom。
The time of dangling