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As if to head them off； as if she could not bear the implications of their threat； Babette said pleasantly； 〃Why is it these UFOs are mostly seen upstate？ The best sightings are upstate。 People get abducted and taken aboard。 Fanners see burn marks where saucers landed。 A woman gives birth to a UFO baby； so she says。 Always upstate。〃
〃That's where the mountains are；〃 Denise said。 〃Spaceships can hide from radar or whatever。〃
〃Why are the mountains upstate？〃 Steffie said。
〃Mountains are always upstate；〃 Denise told her。 〃This way the snow melts as planned in the spring and flows downhill to the reservoirs near the cities； which are kept in the lower end of the state for exactly this reason。〃
I thought； momentarily； she might be right。 It made a curious kind of sense。 Or did it？ Or was it totally crazy？ There had to be large cities in the northern part of some states。 Or were they just north of the border in the southern part of states just to the north？ What she s。aid could not be true and yet I had trouble； momentarily； disproving it。 I could not name cities or mountains to disprove it。 There had to be mountains in the southern part of some states。 Or did they tend to be below the state line； in the northern part of states to the south？ I tried to name state capitals； governors。 How could there be a north below a south？ Is this what I found confusing？ Was this the crux of Denise's error？ Or was she somehow； eerily； right？
The radio said： 〃Excesses of salt； phosphorus； magnesium。〃
Later that night Babette and I sat drinking cocoa。 On the kitchen table； among the coupons； the foot…long supermarket receipts； the mail…order catalogs； was a postcard from Mary Alice； my oldest。 She is the golden issue of my first marriage to Dana Breedlove； the spy； and is therefore Steffie's full sister； although ten years and two marriages fell between。 Mary Alice is nineteen now and lives in Hawaii； where she works with whales。
Babette picked up a tabloid someone had left on the table。
〃Mouse cries have been measured at forty thousand cycles per second。 Surgeons use high…frequency tapes of mouse cries to destroy tumors in the human body。 Do you believe that？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃So do I。〃
She put down the newspaper。 After a while she said to me urgently； 〃How do you feel； Jack？〃
〃I'm all right。 I feel fine。 Honest。 What about you？〃
〃I wish I hadn't told you about my condition。〃
〃Why？〃
〃Then you wouldn't have told me you're going to die first。 Here are the two things I want most in the world。 Jack not to die first。 And Wilder to stay the way he is forever。〃
32
Murray and I walked across campus in our European manner； a serenely reflective pace； heads lowered as we conversed。 Sometimes one of us gripped the other near the elbow； a gesture of intimacy and physical support。 Other times we walked slightly apart； Murray's hands clasped behind his back； Gladney's folded monkishly at the abdomen； a somewhat worried touch。
〃Your German is ing around？〃
〃I still speak it badly。 The words give me trouble。 Howard and I are working on opening remarks for the conference。〃
〃You call him Howard？〃
〃Not to his face。 I don't call him anything to his face and he doesn't call me anything to my face。 It's that kind of relationship。 Do you see him at all？ You live under the same roof； after all。〃
〃Fleeting glimpses。 The other boarders seem to prefer it that way。 He barely exists； we feel。〃
〃There's something about him。 I'm not sure what it is exactly。〃
〃He's flesh…colored；〃 Murray said。
〃True。 But that's not what makes me uneasy。〃
〃Soft hands。〃
〃Is that it？〃
〃Soft hands in a man give me pause。 Soft skin in general。 Baby skin。 I don't think he shaves。〃
〃What else？〃 I said。
〃Flecks of dry spittle at the corners of his mouth。〃
〃You're right；〃 I said excitedly。 〃Dry spit。 I feel it hit me in the face when he leans forward to articulate。 What else？〃
〃And a way of looking over a person's shoulder。〃
〃You see all this in fleeting glimpses。 Remarkable。 What else？〃 I demanded。
〃And a rigid carriage that seems at odds with his shuffling walk。〃
〃Yes； he walks without moving his arms。 What else； what else？〃
〃And something else； something above and beyond all this； something eerie and terrible。〃
〃Exactly。 But what is it？ Something I can't quite identify。〃
〃There's a strange air about him； a certain mood； a sense； a presence； an emanation。〃
〃But what？〃 I said； surprised to find myself deeply and personally concerned； colored dots dancing at the edge of my vision。
We'd walked thirty paces when Murray began to nod。 I watched his face as we walked。 He nodded crossing the street and kept nodding all the way past the music library。 I walked with him step for step； clutching his elbow； watching his face； waiting for him to speak； not interested in the fact that he'd taken me pletely out of my way； and he was still nodding as we approached the entrance to Wilmot Grange； a restored nineteenth…century building at the edge of the campus。
〃But what？〃 I said。 〃But what？〃
It wasn't until four days later that he called me at home； at one in the morning； to whisper helpfully in my ear； 〃He looks like a man who finds dead bodies erotic。〃
I went to one last lesson。 The walls and windows were obscured by accumulated objects； which seemed now to be edging toward the middle of the room。 The bland…faced man before me closed his eyes and spoke； reciting useful tourist phrases。 〃Where am I？〃 〃Can you help me？〃 〃It is night and I am lost。〃 I could hardly bear to sit there。 Murray's remark fixed him forever to a plausible identity。 What had been elusive about Howard Dunlop was now pinned down。 What had been strange and half creepy was now diseased。 A grim lasciviousness escaped his body and seemed to circulate through the barricaded room。
In truth I would miss the lessons。 I would also miss the dogs； the German shepherds。 One day they were simply gone。 Needed elsewhere perhaps or sent back to the desert to sharpen their skills。 The men in Mylex suits were still around； however； carrying instruments to