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。〃
〃I guess people need time to go through certain stages。〃
〃It's obvious；〃 he said。
I told him I'd spent two and a half minutes exposed to the toxic cloud。 Then I summarized the interview I'd had with the SIMUVAC man。
'That little breath of Nyodene has planted a death in my body。 It is now official； according to the puter。 I've got death inside me。 It's just a question of whether or not I can outlive it。 It has a life span of its own。 Thirty years。 Even if it doesn't kill me in a direct way； it will probably outlive me in my own body。 I could die in a plane crash and the Nyodene D。 would be thriving as my remains were laid to rest。〃
'This is the nature of modern death；〃 Murray said。 〃It has a life independent of us。 It is growing in prestige and dimension。 It has a sweep it never had before。 We study it objectively。 We can predict its appearance； trace its path in the body。 We can take cross…section pictures of it； tape its tremors and waves。 We've never been so close to it； so familiar with its habits and attitudes。 We know it intimately。 But it continues to grow； to acquire breadth and scope； new outlets； new passages and means。 The more we learn； the more it grows。 Is this some law of physics？ Every advance in knowledge and technique is matched by a new kind of death； a new strain。 Death adapts； like a viral agent。 Is it a law of nature？ Or some private superstition of mine？ I sense that the dead are closer to us than ever。 I sense that we inhabit the same air as the dead。 Remember Lao Tse。 There is no difference between the quick and the dead。 They are one channel of vitality。' He said this six hundred years before Christ。 It is true once again； perhaps more true than ever。〃
He placed his hands on my shoulders and looked sadly into my face。 He told me in the simplest words how sorry he was about what had happened。 He talked to me about the likelihood of a puter error。 puters make mistakes； he said。 Carpet static can cause a mistake。 Some lint or hair in the circuits。 He didn't believe this and neither did I。 But he spoke convincingly； his eyes filled with spontaneous emotion； a broad and profound feeling。 I felt oddly rewarded。 His passion was equal to the occasion； an impressive pity and grief。 The bad news was almost worth it。 〃Ever since I was in my twenties； I've had the fear； the dread。 Now it's been realized。 I feel enmeshed； I feel deeply involved。 It's no wonder they call this thing the airborne toxic event。 It's an event all right。 It marks the end of uneventful things。 This is just the beginning。 Wait and see。〃
A talk…show host said： 〃You are on the air。〃 The fires burned in the oil drums。 The sandwich vendor closed down his van。 〃Any episodes of déjà vu in your group？〃 〃Wife and daughter；〃 I said。 〃There's a theory about déjà vu。〃 〃I don't want to hear it。〃
〃Why do we think these things happened before？ Simple。 They did happen before； in our minds； as visions of the future。 Because these are precognitions； we can't fit the material into our system of consciousness as it is now structured。 This is basically supernatural stuff。 We're seeing into the future but haven't learned how to process the experience。 So it stays hidden until the precognition es true； until we e face to face with the event。 Now we are free to remember it； to experience it as familiar material。〃 〃Why are so many people having these episodes now？〃 〃Because death is in the air；〃 he said gently。 〃It is liberating suppressed material。 It is getting us closer to things we haven't learned about ourselves。 Most of us have probably seen our own death but haven't known how to make the material surface。 Maybe when we die； the first thing we'll say is； 'I know this feeling。 I was here before。'〃
He put his hands back on my shoulders； studied me with renewed and touching sadness。 We heard the prostitutes call out to someone。
〃I'd like to lose interest in myself；〃 I told Murray。 〃Is there any chance of that happening？〃
〃None。 Better men have tried。〃
〃I guess you're right。〃
〃It's obvious。〃
〃I wish there was something I could do。 I wish I could out…think the problem。〃
〃Work harder on your Hitler；〃 he said。
I looked at him。 How much did he know？
The car window opened a crack。 One of the women said to Murray； 〃All right； I'll do it for twenty…five。〃
〃Have you checked with your representative？〃 he said。
She rolled down the window to peer at him。 She had the opaque look of a hair…curlered woman on the evening news whose house had been buried in mud。
〃You know who I mean；〃 Murray said。 〃The fellow who sees to your emotional needs in return for one hundred percent of your earnings。 The fellow you depend on to beat you up when you're bad。〃
〃Bobby？ He's in Iron City； keeping out of the cloud。 He doesn't like to expose himself unless it's absolutely necessary。〃
The women laughed； six heads bobbing。 It was insider's laughter； a little overdone； meant to identify them as people bound together in ways not easily appreciated by the rest of us。
A second window opened half an inch； a bright mouth appeared。 〃The type pimp Bobby is； he likes to use his mind。〃
A second round of laughter。 We weren't sure whether it was at Bobby's expense； or ours； or theirs。 The windows went up。
〃It's none of my business；〃 I said； 〃but what is it she's willing to do with you for twenty…five dollars？〃
〃The Heimlich maneuver。〃
I studied the part of his face that lay between the touring cap and beard。 He seemed deep in thought； gazing at the car。 The windows were fogged； the women's heads capped in cigarette smoke。
〃Of course we'd have to find a vertical space；〃 he said absently。
〃You don't really expect her to lodge a chunk of food in her windpipe。〃
He looked at me； half startled。 〃What？ No； no； that won't be necessary。 As long as she makes gagging and choking sounds。 As long as she sighs deeply when I jolt the pelvis。 As long as she collapses helplessly backward into my life…saving embrace。〃
He took off his glove to shake my hand。 Then he went over to the car to work out details with the woman in question。 I watched him knock on the rear