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I found myself looking in the rearview mirror often； searching for a sign of pursuit。 I was driving slower
than anyone else； unwilling to reach my destination； and the other cars passed me without pause。 There
were no faces I recognized as they moved ahead。 I shouldn’t have let the Seeker’s taunt bother me； she
clearly didn’t have the temperament to go anywhere slowly。 Still… I continued to watch for her。
I’d been west to the ocean； north and south up and down the pretty California coastline； but I’d never
been east for any distance at all。 Civilization fell behind me quickly； and I was soon surrounded by the
blank hills and rocks that were the precursors to the empty desert wastelands。
It was very relaxing to be away from civilization； and this bothered me。 I should not have found the
loneliness so weling。 Souls were sociable。 We lived and worked and grew together in harmony。 We
were all the same： peaceful； friendly； honest。 Why should I feel better away from my kind？ Was it
Melanie who made me this way？
I searched for her but found her remote； dreaming in the back of my head。
The miles passed quickly。 The dark； rough rocks and the dusty plains covered in scrub flew by with
monotonous uniformity。 I realized I was driving faster than I’d meant to。 There wasn’t anything to keep
my mind occupied here； so I found it hard to linger。 Absently； I wondered why the desert was so much
more colorful in Melanie’s memories； so much more pelling。 I let my mind coast with hers； trying to
see what it was that was special about this vacant place。
But she wasn’t seeing the sparse； dead land surrounding us。 She was dreaming of another desert；
canyoned and red； a magical place。 She didn’t try to keep me out。 In fact； she seemed almost unaware of
my presence。 I questioned again what her detachment meant。 I sensed no thought of attack。 It felt more
like a preparation for the end。
She was living in a happier place in her memory； as if she were saying goodbye。 It was a place she had
never allowed me to see before。
There was a cabin； an ingenious dwelling tucked into a nook in the red sandstone； perilously close to the
flash flood line。 An unlikely place； far from any trail or path； built in what seemed a senseless location。 A
rough place； without any of the conveniences of modern technology。 She remembered laughing at the
sink one had to pump to pull water up from the ground。
“It beats pipes；” Jared says； the crease between his eyes deepening as his brows pull together。 He
seems worried by my laugh。 Is he afraid I don’t like it？ “Nothing to trace； no evidence that we’re here。”
“I love it；” I say quickly。 “It’s like an old movie。 It’s perfect。”
The smile that never truly leaves his face—he smiles even in his sleep—grows wide。 “They don’t tell you
the worst parts in the movies。 C’mon； I’ll show you where the latrine is。”
I hear Jamie’s laughter echo through the narrow canyon as he runs ahead of us。 His black hair bounces
with his body。 He bounces all the time now； this thin boy with the sun…darkened skin。 I hadn’t realized
how much weight those narrow shoulders were carrying。 With Jared； he is positively buoyant。 The
anxious expression has faded； replaced by grins。 We are both more resilient than I gave us credit for。
“Who built this place？”
“My father and older brothers。 I helped； or rather hindered； a little。 My dad loved to get away from
everything。 And he didn’t care much about convention。 He never bothered to find out who the land
actuallybelonged to or file permits or any of that pesky stuff。” Jared laughs； throwing his head back。 The
sun dances off the blond bits in his hair。 “Officially； this place doesn’t exist。 Convenient； isn’t it？” Without
seeming to think about it； he reaches out and takes my hand。
My skin burns where it meets his。 It feels better than good； but it sets off a strange aching in my chest。
He is forever touching me this way； always seeming to need to reassure himself that I am here。 Does he
realize what it does to me； the simple pressure of his warm palm next to mine？ Does his pulse jump in his
veins； too？ Or is he just happy to not be alone anymore？
He swings our arms as we walk beneath a little stand of cottonwood trees； their green so vivid against
the red that it plays tricks on my eyes； confusing my focus。 He is happy here； happier than in other
places。 I feel happy； too。 The feeling is still unfamiliar。
want to kiss me again？ Should I kiss him？ What if he doesn’t like that？
He looks down at me and smiles； the lines around his eyes crinkling into little webs。 I wonder if he is as
handsome as I think he is； or if it’s just that he’s the only person left in the whole world besides Jamie and
me。
No； I don’t think that’s it。 He really is beautiful。
“What are you thinking； Mel？” he asks。 “You seem to be concentrating on something very important。”
He laughs。
I shrug； and my stomach flutters。 “It’s beautiful here。”
He looks around us。 “Yes。 But then； isn’t home always beautiful？”
“Home。” I repeat the word quietly。 “Home。”
“Your home； too； if you want it。”
“I want it。” It seems like every mile I’ve walked in the past three years has been toward this place。 I
never want to leave； though I know we’ll have to。 Food doesn’t grow on trees。 Not in the desert； at
least。
He squeezes my hand； and my heart punches against my ribs。 It’s just like pain； this pleasure。
There was a blurring sensation as Melanie skipped ahead； her thoughts dancing through the hot day until
hours after the sun had fallen behind the red canyon walls。 I went along； almost hypnotized by the endless
road stretching ahead of me； the skeletal bushes flying by with mind…numbing sameness。
I peek into the one narrow little bedroom。 The full…size mattress is only inches away from the rough
stone walls on either side。
It gives me a deep； rich sense of joy to see Jamie asleep on a real bed； his head on a soft pillow。 His
lanky arms and legs sprawl out； leaving little room for me where I am m