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away in the room and then disappearing out of it。
Jared waited until it was silent again。
“Okay； Wanda； it’s just you and me。”
He waited for some kind of answer。
“Look； I guess that must have been pretty… bad。 We never wanted you to see that。 I’m sorry。”
Sorry？ Geoffrey’d said it was Jared’s idea。 He wanted to cut me out； slice me into little pieces； fling my
blood on the wall。 He’d slowly mangle a million of me if he could find a way to keep his favorite monster
alive with him。 Slash us all to slivers。
He was quiet for a long time； still waiting for me to react。
“You look like you want to be alone。 That’s okay。 I can keep them away； if that’s what you want。”
I didn’t move。
Something touched my shoulder。 I cringed away from it； into the sharp stones。
“Sorry；” he muttered。
I heard him stand； and the light—red behind my closed eyes—began to fade as he walked away。
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。
“Where is she？”
“She wants to be alone。 Let her be。”
“Don’t get in my way again； Howe。”
“Do you think she wants fort from you？ From a human？”
“I wasn’t party to this —”
Jared answered in a lower voice； but I could still hear the echoes。 “Notthis time。 You’re one of us； Ian。
Her enemy。 Did you hear what she said in there？ She was screamingmonsters。 That’s how she sees us
now。 She doesn’t want your fort。”
“Give me the light。”
They didn’t speak again。 A minute passed； and I heard one set of slow footsteps moving around the
edge of the room。 Eventually； the light swept across me； turning my lids red again。
I huddled myself more tightly together； expecting him to touch me。
There was a quiet sigh； and then the sound of him sitting on the stone； not as close beside me as I would
have expected。
With a click； the light disappeared。
I waited in the silence for a long time for him to speak； but he was just as silent as I was。
Finally； I stopped waiting and returned to my mourning。 Ian did not interrupt。 I sat in the blackness of the
big hole in the ground and grieved for lost souls with a human at my side。
CHAPTER 41
Vanished
Ian sat with me for three days in the darkness。
He left for only a few short minutes at a time； to get us food and water。 At first； Ian ate； though I did not。
Then； as he realized that it wasn’t a loss of appetite that left my tray full； he stopped eating； too。
I used his brief absences to deal with the physical needs that I could not ignore； thankful for the
proximity of the odorous stream。 As my fast lengthened； those needs vanished。
I couldn’t keep from sleeping； but I did not make myself fortable。 The first day； I woke to find my
head and shoulders cradled on his lap。 I recoiled from him； shuddering so violently that he did not repeat
the gesture。 After that； I slumped against the stones where I was； and when I woke； I would curl back up
into my silent ball at once。
“Please；” Ian whispered on the third day—at least I thought it was the third day； there was no way to be
again。”
He would never stop them。 He was just one among many。 And； as Jared had said； he’d had no
objections before。 I was the enemy。 Even in the most passionate； humankind’s limited scope of
mercy was reserved for their own。
I knew Doc could never intentionally inflict pain on another person。 I doubted he would even be capable
of watching such a thing； tender as his feelings were。 But a worm； a centipede？ Why would he care about
the agony of a strange alien creature？ Why would it bother him to murder a baby—slowly； slicing it apart
piece by piece—if it had no human mouth to scream with？
“I should have told you；” Ian whispered。
Would it have mattered if I’d simply been told rather than having seen the tortured remains for myself？
Would the pain be less strong？
“Please eat。”
The silence returned。 We sat in it for a while； maybe another hour。
Ian got up and walked quietly away。
I could make no sense of my emotions。 In that moment； I hated the body I was bound to。 How did it
make sense that his going depressed me？ Why should it pain me to have the solitude I craved？ I wanted
the monster back； and that was plainly wrong。
I wasn’t alone for long。 I didn’t know if Ian had gone to get him or if he’d been waiting for Ian to leave；
but I recognized Jeb’s contemplative whistle as it approached in the darkness。
The whistling stopped a few feet from me； and there was a loud click。 A beam of yellow light burned my
eyes。 I blinked against it。
Jeb set the flashlight down； bulb up。 It threw a circle of light on the low ceiling and made a wider； more
diffuse sphere of light around us。
Jeb settled himself against the wall beside me。
“Gonna starve yourself； then？ Is that the plan？”
I glared at the stone floor。
If I was being honest with myself； I knew that my mourning was over。 I had grieved。 I hadn’t known the
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s
angry。
“You wanna die； there are easier and faster ways。”
As if I wasn’t aware ofthat。
“So give me to Doc； then；” I croaked。
Jeb wasn’t surprised to hear me speak。 He nodded to himself； as if this was exactly what he’d known
would e out of my mouth。
“Did you expect us to just give up； Wanderer？” Jeb’s voice was stern and more serious than I had ever
heard it before。 “We have a stronger survival instinct than that。 Of course we want to find a way to get
our minds back。 It could be any one of us someday。 So many people we love are already lost。
“It isn’t easy。 It nearly kills Doc each time he fails—you’ve seen that。 But this is our reality； Wanda。 This
is our world。 We’ve lost a war。 We are about to be extinct。 We’re trying to find ways to save ourselves。”
For the first time； Jeb spoke to me as if I were a soul and not a human。 I had a sense that the distinction
had always been clear to him； though。 He was just a courteous monster。
I couldn’t deny the truth of what he was saying； or the