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No； they had their dwelling in a mist； she decided； hundreds
of miles away —away from what？ “Perhaps it would
be better if I married William；” she thought suddenly；
and the thought appeared to loom through the mist like
solid ground。 She stood there； thinking of her own destiny；
and the elder ladies talked on； until they had talked
themselves into a decision to ask the young woman to
luncheon； and tell her； very friendlily； how such behavior
appeared to women like themselves； who knew the world。
And then Mrs。 Hilbery was struck by a better idea。
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Virginia Woolf
CHAPTER X
Messrs。 Grateley and Hooper； the solicitors in whose firm
Ralph Denham was clerk； had their office in Lincoln’s Inn
Fields； and there Ralph Denham appeared every morning
very punctually at ten o’clock。 His punctuality； together
with other qualities； marked him out among the clerks
for success； and indeed it would have been safe to wager
that in ten years’ time or so one would find him at the
head of his profession； had it not been for a peculiarity
which sometimes seemed to make everything about him
uncertain and perilous。 His sister Joan had already been
disturbed by his love of gambling with his savings。 Scrutinizing
him constantly with the eye of affection； she
had bee aware of a curious perversity in his temperament
which caused her much anxiety； and would have
caused her still more if she had not recognized the germs
of it in her own nature。 She could fancy Ralph suddenly
sacrificing his entire career for some fantastic imagination；
some cause or idea or even （so her fancy ran） for
some woman seen from a railway train； hanging up clothes
in a back yard。 When he had found this beauty or this
cause； no force； she knew； would avail to restrain him
from pursuit of it。 She suspected the East also； and always
fidgeted herself when she saw him with a book of
Indian travels in his hand； as though he were sucking
contagion from the page。 On the other hand； no mon
love affair； had there been such a thing； would have caused
her a moment’s uneasiness where Ralph was concerned。
He was destined in her fancy for something splendid in
the way of success or failure； she knew not which。
And yet nobody could have worked harder or done better
in all the recognized stages of a young man’s life than
Ralph had done； and Joan had to gather materials for her
fears from trifles in her brother’s behavior which would
have escaped any other eye。 It was natural that she should
be anxious。 Life had been so arduous for all of them from
the start that she could not help dreading any sudden
relaxation of his grasp upon what he held； though； as she
knew from inspection of her own life； such sudden impulse
to let go and make away from the discipline and
the drudgery was sometimes almost irresistible。 But with
105
Night and Day
Ralph； if he broke away； she knew that it would be only to
put himself under harsher constraint； she figured him toiling
through sandy deserts under a tropical sun to find the
source of some river or the haunt of some fly； she figured
him living by the labor of his hands in some city slum； the
victim of one of those terrible theories of right and wrong
which were current at the time； she figured him prisoner
for life in the house of a woman who had seduced him by
her misfortunes。 Half proudly； and wholly anxiously； she
framed such thoughts； as they sat； late at night； talking
together over the gasstove in Ralph’s bedroom。
It is likely that Ralph would not have recognized his
own dream of a future in the forecasts which disturbed
his sister’s peace of mind。 Certainly； if any one of them
had been put before him he would have rejected it with a
laugh； as the sort of life that held no attractions for him。
He could not have said how it was that he had put these
absurd notions into his sister’s head。 Indeed； he prided
himself upon being well broken into a life of hard work；
about which he had no sort of illusions。 His vision of his
own future； unlike many such forecasts； could have been
made public at any moment without a blush； he attributed
to himself a strong brain； and conferred on himself
a seat in the House of mons at the age of fifty； a
moderate fortune； and； with luck； an unimportant office
in a Liberal Government。 There was nothing extravagant
in a forecast of that kind； and certainly nothing dishonorable。
Nevertheless； as his sister guessed； it needed all
Ralph’s strength of will； together with the pressure of
circumstances； to keep his feet moving in the path which
led that way。 It needed； in particular； a constant repetition
of a phrase to the effect that he shared the mon
fate； found it best of all； and wished for no other； and by
repeating such phrases he acquired punctuality and habits
of work； and could very plausibly demonstrate that to
be a clerk in a solicitor’s office was the best of all possible
lives； and that other ambitions were vain。
But； like all beliefs not genuinely held； this one depended
very much upon the amount of acceptance it received
from other people； and in private； when the pressure
of public opinion was removed； Ralph let himself
swing very rapidly away from his actual circumstances
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Virginia Woolf
upon strange voyages which； indeed； he would have been
ashamed to describe。 In these dreams； of course； he figured
in noble and romantic parts； but selfglorification
was not the only motive of them。 They gave outlet to
some spirit which found no work to do in real life； for；
with the pessimism which his lot forced upon him； Ralph
had made up his mind that there was no use for what；
contemptuously enough； he called dreams； in the world
which we inhabit。 It sometimes seemed to him that this
spirit was the most valuable possession he had； he thought
that by means of it he could set flowering waste tracts of
the earth； cure many ills； or raise up beauty where none
now existed； it was； too； a fierce and potent spirit which
would devour the dusty books and parch